Tiff. In Palmer, Mass., a 71-year-old man with one arm was found guilty of assaulting an 86-year-old man with one leg in an argument about women.

Caution. In New Limerick, Me., a 102-year-old pipe-smoker swore off for his health's sake, took up chewing.

Cousinage. In Washington, shares in the half-million-dollar estate of a spinster were claimed by 2,006 self-styled cousins.

Toymination. In Oakland, Calif., a bride charged her husband neglected her to play with model trains, got a divorce.

Comeback. In Newark, N.J., Jay Till Cox, believed killed in the R.C.A.F., walked in on his own memorial service.

Handicap. In Englewood, N.J., 6 ft. 5 in. Harold Abrams drew protests as Democratic county committeeman. Complaint: he could peek over the voting booth curtains.

Pop Flop. At Fort Ord, Calif., 1,500 new inflammable hand grenades were rejected. The glass containers were shatterproof.

Good Will. In Sayre, Okla., the Chamber of Commerce asked everybody to wave at all tourists, because "we don't have much to show sightseers. . . ."

Handles. In Taylorville, Ill., Florence Duck married Paul Drake. In Greenville, Tex., the H. B. Ducks named their new son Donald. Near Red Wing, Minn., the towboat Herbert Hoover pulled the Franklin D. Roosevelt off the rocks. In Omaha, joke-weary Bovio Palucca asked court permission to change his last name to Parke. In Manhattan, Alfred Papa became a papa.

Progress. In Washington a patent was awarded for a steak woven of meat "yarn."

Providenture. In Miami, as a substitute for burial insurance a man had two diamonds set into his front teeth, "where nobody can get to it except when I am dead."

Preserve. In Ouray, Colo., citizens were forbidden to hunt elk on Main Street.

Obedience. Somewhere in Unoccupied France a shopkeeper obeyed orders, put a picture of Admiral Darlan in the window. Under it he placed a sign: "Sold."

Refugee. In a Chicago court, a farmer charged his wife had made him live in the barn to make room for his mother-in-law, then forced him out of the barn because she was afraid he would disturb a pregnant cow. The judge ordered the wife to take him back when he complained a rooster wouldn't let him in the chicken coop.

This file is automatically generated by a robot program, so reader's discretion is required.