Forget Me Not. In Waterloo, Iowa, James J. Cunningham accused his former wife, Donna Maxine Hull, of doing $500 worth of damage to his home by carving her name on two tables, a radio, a piano, a buffet, a bedroom chest, a refrigerator.

Explanation. In Houston, J. Bruce Synnott Jr. examined his nine-year-old son's report card, found a teacher's comment: "Carless in his spelling."

Church & State. In Los Angeles, detectives finally tracked down Superior Judge William B. Neeley's official gown, arrested city hall Janitor James Langley, who said: "I just sort of borrowed those robes to preach in, because I'm a deacon in my church."

Retaliation. In Chelsea, Mass., the board of aldermen, denied free season passes to nearby Suffolk Downs race track, promptly ordered street-department officials to remove all signs directing motorists to the course.

Waist Gun. In Oakland, Calif., Merchant Seaman Enoch Bershofski, arrested for carrying a sawed-off shotgun inside his jacket, tried to convince police that he needed it to protect his bankroll of $7.

Avocation. In Aztec, N. Mex., Prisoner Elmer Morrow, acting as gardener for the courthouse grounds, was freed, but asked (and got) permission to stay in jail long enough to finish the spring planting.

Young Idea. In El Paso, George Reynolds, 81, nabbed by sheriff's deputies in a burglary attempt, admitted that it was his second try that night.

Choice of Weapons. In Albuquerque, N. Mex., Ramon Toledo, carrying a knife when arrested, was fined $40 for tearing an 8-in. gash on his wife's arm--with his teeth.

Professional Advice. In Sacramento, a stranger joined Robert L. Bowen in a bar, warned him against carrying his wallet in his hip pocket, demonstrated how easily it could be stolen, a few drinks later, disappeared with it.

Bad Bet. In Martinsville. Ind., after the city council decided against insuring its new $14,000 fire truck because it would "always" have the right of way, the fire truck hit the town's only police car, was wrecked.

Appomattox. In Trenton, N.J., three years after they had issued him a speeding summons, state police received a $15 check and a note from Robert A. Caldwell of Proctor, Ark.: "I can't stand it any longer. Here's your money . . . The highway patrolman who arrested me was a damn good Yankee."

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