Sportscar Enthusiasts. In Seoul, Brigadier General Carl F. Fritzsche issued a tart order to discourage the men in his command from using Army jeeps "to transport indigenous female personnel for recreational purposes."

Maestro. In Manchester, England, after an inept pupil backed the learner's car onto a sidewalk, Auto Instructor Handel Andrew indignantly took the wheel, promptly smacked into a lamppost, was fined -L-3 ($8.40) for careless driving.

Mouth Piece. In Ionia, Mich., when Bank Clerk Celia Kennedy asked a traveling man for identification when he presented a check at the Ionia National Bank, he whipped out his upper plate, pointed to his name engraved on its top, pocketed his cash.

Sales Approach. In Memphis, a housewife placed an ad in the classified section of the Press-Scimitar: "BOXER PUPS--My husband's $75 dogs for $50 and less; if a man answers, please hang up."

Case History. In Denver, arrested after he set fire to the lobby of the Portland Hotel, Sam Girard, 38, told police that he was sorry, explained: "I didn't realize it was the wrong hotel until the staircase was on fire."

Empathy. In Fort Worth, a three-day jail term for contempt was added to Ferrell Conlin's lengthy record of arrests on drunk charges when, as an excited spectator at a murder trial, he leapt to his feet and shouted: "Give him 15, judge, 15 years."

Events Leading Up. In Phoenix, Ariz., after he was arrested for shooting and wounding his neighbor, Earl La Motte, 42, explained to police: "He kept yelling 'Say man' at me, and besides, he keeps goats in his yard."

Preferred Environment. In Toledo, Orion Ward, 27, got concurrent one-to-15-year terms in the State Penitentiary for burglary and larceny after he interrupted Judge Thomas J. O'Connor, who was about to sentence him to the Mansfield Reformatory, pleaded: "If you don't mind, Your Honor, I'd rather go to the pen; those young crooks at the reformatory might have a bad influence on me."

The Light Touch. In El Paso, officials at Fort Bliss formally dedicated a new $310,000 Army mess hall by using a meat cleaver to cut a 6-ft. string of hot dogs stretched in front of the entrance.

Last Man. In Morris Plains, N.J., vigorously campaigning for county coroner, Warren G. Bath pledged in a speech that, if elected, he would seek to have the job abolished.

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