Hoodwinked. In Salisbury. Southern Rhodesia, midnight auto thieves, for fear of being heard starting the engine of a car they were stealing, cleverly pushed it a quarter-mile before they discovered that the engine had been removed for repair.

Shock Trouper. In London, upon plugging in his electric guitar. Rock-'n'-Roll Singer Keith Kelly moaned ''Oooh." got all shook up. finally passed out because his sweaty hands had caused a short circuit in the instrument.

Hot Prospects. In Bloomfield, Conn., fast-talking Real Estate Broker Thomas J. Larkin finished his spiel about the house, wrapped up the deal in the living room while firemen were extinguishing a blaze in the basement.

Self-Service. In Detroit. Carmen Eccles could not understand why a man entered her bakery shop carrying a 4-ft. steel pole with a hook on the end, soon got the message when he thrust it across the display case, successfully snatched her purse.

Snug Harbor. In Whangarei, N.Z., cold-sober Detective Val Edwards saw two greenish eyes staring up at him from inside a tide-carried gin bottle, was about to head for the nearest bar himself when the bottle broke and an octopus emerged.

Off the Trolley. In Jacksonville, Thomas H. Callahan explained to Judge John Santora that he was really waiting for a streetcar when the cops picked him up for vagrancy, got ten days in the clink anyway because there has not been a streetcar in town for 20 years.

Swap Stop. In Manchester, England, an advertisement in the Evening News pleaded: "Will the parents of the boy who gave a little boy an apple in exchange for his tricycle kindly return it at once?"

Stir Crazy. In Vancouver, B.C., after being relieved of $20 worth of coffee spoons per month. Do Xut House Co-Owner George Piekarske decided to put an end to the pilfering once and for all, drilled nice big holes into the bowls of all his spoons.

Blotter Squatter. In Nashville. Tenn., after Pauline Cox's 191st arrest for public drunkenness in eleven years, the local constabulary bowed to the inevitable, logged her address as ''Police Station' noted her rent to the city: more than $1,900 worth of fines and workhouse stints.

Combat Pay. In Albany. X.Y.. the court of appeals ruled that Messenger Boy James Johnson, who got banged in the eye with his own misaimed paper clip, was entitled to $228.64 workmen's compensation because such shenanigans are the common pursuits of unoccupied messenger boys.

This file is automatically generated by a robot program, so reader's discretion is required.