In his first movie starring role, he gets to play a nude scene with Ann-Margret--written by her husband Roger Smith. And Joe Namath seems a bit nervous about his part in a motorcycle epic called C.C. Ryder & Company. On a TV show Broadway Joe asked Smith: "Doesn't the thought of having me do a nude scene with your wife bother you?" "Well, yes," allowed Smith. "On those days, I leave the set."

In parakiting, the water skier becomes airborne when his trailing parachute pops open. High above Acapulco Bay, the Secretary was doing just fine in his first try at this bold new sport. Then the tow rope from the speedboat snapped, leaving ex-Paratrooper Robert Finch to plunge 150 ft. into the drink. "It was great for my education," said the HEW boss, "but not for my health and welfare."

On the grounds that their name was too difficult to spell and pronounce, the couple petitioned Los Angeles County Superior Court for a legal change of cognomen. Laugh-In's blonde giggler, Goldie Hawn, came to court with her Greek-born producer husband as Mr. and Mrs. Kostas Tritchonis. They emerged as Mr. and Mrs. Gus Trikonis.

Paris' beau monde turned out 100 strong to say farewell to Ambassador Sargent Shriver. While Jackie Onassis' appearance at the embassy gala caused little stir, many were surprised to see her husband in tow. Exclaimed one well-endowed young lady after her first encounter with Ari: "My God, he's short! He stares right into the bosom."

The turreted Gothic mansion at Henley-on-Thames used to be a Salesian Sisters' convent. Now the 35-acre estate will ring not to hymns but to a different sound of music. Beatle George Harrison and Wife Pattie have traded in their ranch-style Surrey bungalow and bought the 30-room domain for $336,000.

Assailing the views of Vice President Agnew at an alumni banquet, Yale President Kingman Brewster delivered himself of some convoluted prose worthy of Spiro himself: "Perhaps the greatest contribution we can make is to reaffirm in the face of those who would seek to coerce conformity that practical progress relies most of all on the evolution of the better by the survival of the fittest among ideas tossed in the blanket of debate, dispute and disagreement."

After declining to take a bow at the Thai boxing matches in Bangkok, Novelist Philip Roth could not resist a dig at a bestselling rival. "Now if I were Norman Mailer," said the author of Portnoy's Complaint, "I'd be up in the ring after the first bout, kicking away at the boxers in golf shoes." Roth, who admits that his taxes have risen meteorically as a result of Portnoy, complained: "Every month I get a letter from the Government saying 'Congratulations! You have just sponsored another B-52 raid on Viet Nam.' "

At a party for film makers in the U.S. embassy residence in Buenos Aires, Jack Valenti of the Motion Picture Association of America presented a print of the movie The Scarlet Empress to Ambassador John Davis Lodge. Empress, a 1934 swashbuckler about Catherine the Great, starred Marlene Dietrich and a long-haired cavalier few friends would now recognize as balding Ambassador Lodge.

What, no kippers or scrambled eggs? Their omission from the breakfast menu of the crack Brighton-London express provoked a near mutiny of prominent commuters, among them Actors Sir Laurence Olivier and Sir John Clements. "I got the shock of my life," protested Clements. "Sir Laurence is a great kipper man, and I couldn't even get brown-bread toast." Actress Joan Plowright said of her husband Sir Laurence: "He considers scrambled eggs healthy. As far as he is concerned, fried eggs are just not healthy."

"We've heard a lot about a Southern strategy," said Richard Nixon, the straight man. "Now tell me, do we have a Southern strategy?" "No, suh, Mr. President," replied Spiro Agnew. Then the audience at Washington's Gridiron Club banquet heard a piano recital of golden oldies by the Dick and Spiro combo. The President pounded out a medley including Home on the Range, The Missouri Waltz and The Eyes of Texas. But his partner kept drowning him out with Dixie.

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