All More Electable Than Pat Buchanan

By Melissa August, Matthew Cooper, Rachel Dry, Daren Fonda, Ellin Martens, Benjamin Nugent, Julie Rawe and Josh Tyrangiel

Further proving that the difference between a presidential campaign and marketing, say, jeans is very slight, lots of companies are running their own creations as third-party candidates this year to garner publicity. After all, as Al Gore and George W. Bush have demonstrated, being realistic is not a prerequisite.

THE DOLL RACE

CANDIDATE 1 Vanessa PROS Will get the minority vote CONS Low name recognition

[CANDIDATE] 2 Barbie [PROS] Malibu Barbie will help her carry California [CONS] Not married to longtime boyfriend; raises family-values issue

THE COMIC-BOOK RACE

[CANDIDATE] 3 Duke [PROS] Past experience as Ambassador to China [CONS] Well-documented history of drug use [CANDIDATE] 4 Lex Luthor [PROS] Keen understanding of world domination [CONS] Killed his own parents THE AD-MASCOT RACE

[CANDIDATE] 5 Buddy Lee* [PROS] Casual dress implies D.C. outsider status [CONS] Only 13 inches tall [CANDIDATE] 6 Captain Morgan [PROS] Running mate Playboy playmate Kalin Olson helps secure male vote [CONS] Frequently spotted in taverns *Buddy Lee's is a write-in campaign and is not endorsed by the Lee Jeans Company. Buddy was unavailable for comment