News Quiz

By Kathleen Adams, Amanda Bower, Val Castronovo, Randy Hartwell, Ellin Martens, Sora Song, Joel Stein and Josh Tyrangiel

1. A man who married his TV:

a) Wishes she weren't a flat screen b) Promised "to love, honor and obey" it c) Wooed it by deftly using the remote d) Is keeping one eye on his tomcattin' VCR

2. Walter Cronkite is:

a) The Sweetheart Swindler of Century Village b) The most respected newsman in Scooterville c) Riding a scooter set to be auctioned d) Positive Brinkley is in the sidecar

3. D.A.R.E.'s new antidrug program emphasizes:

a) Avoiding Andy Dick b) Questioning preconceived ideas about drug use c) Getting high on geometry d) Porn and shoplifting

4. An unauthorized book depicting Tintin in a gay bar is called:

a) Tintin in Thailand b) Tintin Will Have an Absolut and Cranberry, Please c) Tintin Gets Slipped a Roofie d) Tintin Swore He Was 18

5. A Utah man, 91, was caught stealing:

a) 60 years' worth of electricity from the power company b) Marie Osmond's heart c) Hookers meant for the '02 Olympics

ANSWERS: 1-b, 2-c, 3-b, 4-a, 5-a