People

By Josh Tyrangiel

Not Quite Prime Time

RANDY MOSS is football's most electrifying player. As a basketball player, he's still an electrifying football player. Moss made his pro hoops debut for the Pennsylvania ValleyDawgs of the United States Basketball League (just like the NBA, except without all those talented basketball players), scoring seven points and playing less defense than the Italian army, in a thrilling 113-112 victory over the Long Island Surf. ValleyDawgs coach Darryl Dawkins admitted to trying to protect Moss, who receives $3.5 million from his day job as a Minnesota Vikings wide receiver. "I didn't want to put him in a position where he had to go catch lobs and possibly fall over someone and end his career," Dawkins said. "The guy's a professional; he knows he doesn't want to end his career here." Moss, who was twice West Virginia's high school player of the year, may play for the Dawgs again--or he may not. He slipped out of the Lehigh University Arena without talking to reporters and hopped aboard a private plane, presumably headed as far away from obscurity as possible.

TRYING HARD NOT TO BE SORE WINNERS

There's no jealousy like show jealousy, as NATHAN LANE and MATTHEW BRODERICK will no doubt discover Sunday night. Not only is The Producers up for 15 Tony Awards, but Lane and Broderick, who star in the musical, are hosts of the ceremony too. "Way back when they asked us to do it, nobody had been nominated yet," says Broderick, "so it wasn't like 'Oh, you've got 15 nominations, why don't you also host it?'" Aware that some may be rooting against The Producers juggernaut, Broderick says, "Well, we can't win all of them"--pause--"because we're up against ourselves for a few of them." Broderick and Lane will compete for Best Actor in a Musical ("I'm pretty sure he'll win," says Broderick) and try to be gracious. "Hopefully we'll be amusing and not have people throw vegetables at us."

CAT'S IN THE CRADLE, PART I

The latest round of Brit royal schadenfreude involves the revelation that PRINCE PHILIP believes his son, PRINCE CHARLES, is a poor excuse for a future King. A lengthy profile in the Daily Telegraph hailed Philip as a "man of great depth and complexity, by far the most intelligent member of the royal family"; it also revealed that Philip believes Charles is "precious, extravagant and lacking in the dedication and discipline he will need" to be a good King. Philip is not quoted directly, but the status of those authorized by Philip to speak caused Charles to allow his own sources of status to hint that Charles has stopped writing a tribute for his father's 80th birthday. Perhaps one day each prince's distinguished sources can arrange a hug, which will then be conveyed, through attendants, to the respective men of royal standing. And they say the British are cold.

CAT'S IN THE CRADLE, PART II

One of Hollywood's great rumors--perhaps the only one that doesn't end with the words "...is gay!"--was put to rest this week when director JOHN FRANKENHEIMER said he is not the biological father of Pearl Harbor director MICHAEL BAY. There is, however, something behind the tale. Bay was adopted in 1965, and Frankenheimer told the Los Angeles Times that he indeed had a one-night stand with Bay's birth mother in the early '60s. A few years later, when she threatened to name him as the father of her child, Frankenheimer paid the woman $7,500 to keep quiet. (Hollywood was a little different back then.) A few years ago, Frankenheimer consented to a paternity test that, he says, proved he is not Bay's father. Bay won't comment on the matter, saying only that he believes "your parents are the ones who raise you." Clearly his father is Jerry Bruckheimer.